Aspirational Church and State Names

Generally church names indicate what they’re about, but have you ever been to a church with a name like Grace, Community, or Liberty, and found the opposite? I think it follows the same rules as country names, I saw this in a meme: if you’ve got two or more of the words “republic”, “democratic” or “peoples’” it’s sort of politely hinting at the opposite so we can all save face. It’s like when I ask a woman to coffee and she says, “I’m not blowing you off, I’m just too busy now.”

Speaking of which, “United” States. The culture war is  heating up to another level. I was driving the other day and I saw a church labeled Evangelical Free. And I thought it must be the Unitarians rebranding and they aren’t pulling any punches.

So if I ever see a church called “The Peoples’ Democratic Congregational Liberty Church of Freedom” I would be afraid to go in. With a name like that, either they’re going to give me a calendar that says when I’m allowed to think about sex or I’m going to be kicked out for sneezing too aggressively.